Demolition Day

I was inspired by a great friend of mine to write this post. I'll keep their name a secret, but this friend opened up about something they were going through. They were open, honest, and held nothing back in regard to how it felt. I thought, "What an amazing thing. To open up and hold nothing back!" Not only was this inspiring to see, but I admired the bravery and courage it took to be honest. With that, I want to say to the following:

This post is dedicated to who you are now, who you'll be when you're passed the process. I'll describe below, and to all those who think that their pain, their issues, their worries and concerns are a burden to others. it's high time that we take that thinking down and begin to build ourselves up. This is a little something I like to call Demolition Day!

Hammers at the ready!

I know you're sitting in front of your phone, computer or laptop right now, but raise your hand if you've ever hidden behind a smile before.

Come on, get that hand up there, we've all done it. I know I have, MANY times in my life. If you've done this before, I just want to say that you do not have to hide any longer!

I don't know when, or where it became such a taboo subject; discussing one’s issues. We all have them, I have them you have them, celebrities have them. That person you love, or that friend who you never get tired of hanging out with. The cool kids in your school who seem to have it all. Yeah, oh yeah! They've all got issues going on. Struggle is so present, that some people have them, and they don't even know it at the time! On the reverse side, some people have had struggle for so long that they've forgotten it a thorn in their side altogether! A person can be in a situation for so long, and get so used to it, they don't even bother dealing with it after a while. Then there are those who are so used to having a struggle, that they don't know how to function without some kind of issue, or struggle to deal with.

Oh MY, how the human psyche can become so re-arranged in so many intricate ways!

No matter which way you deal with things, or how others deal with inward and external struggles, it's still a problem, and it's known, even if only intellectually. And no matter how used to it one appears, no matter how held-together we all look, none of us like having inward and ongoing struggles. Ask anyone, anywhere, and they will say, "yes, I would love to get rid of my struggles."

I won't go too deep into it, but as a quick reference I'll mention this. Do you remember the slaves who were in Egypt? The Israelites who were held captive for. What was it? 400-430 years?

They cried out to God for that amount of time, God liberated them, but it wasn't easy. they had to face quite a few things while traveling to the promised land. Along the way, they got thirsty, hungry, sometimes they got angry at Moses (the man who God used to free the slaves). This was all while they were receiving amazing miracles from the Lord. What were some of those miracles, you ask?

-An angel of God and a pillar of cloud and fire guarded the multitude

-Bitter waters were made sweet and drinkable

-Manna rains from heaven for bread. Quail are sent to provide meat

That's just a few, don't even get me started on The Red Sea!

Some of you are reading those miracles and may be thinking, "Whew, if I had even ONE of the miracles I've asked from God. I’d be forever grateful!" I know that feeling very well, and I can promise you that you don't need to get discouraged, or bitter. it's okay to get tired, but don't give up on your hopes, and don't give up on yourself!

Now, why did I mention the Israelites being enslaved in Egypt for so long? Because despite how long it took, God did liberate them. Generation upon generation, they kept on calling. And I want to tell you something about that. You ready? You sure?

Your call is heard! Your call is answered.

Okay, that may not seem like a huge thing now, but let's change the words around. Repeat the following words out loud as you read them:

"MY-CALL-IS-HEARD!"

Society today, and even from long ago, has had a very harmful practice of keeping things quiet when they are hurting. It's no secret that people suffer. It's no secret that people cry and wrestle with getting passed certain hardships or losses. Let's talk stats for a second, shall we?

Anxiety affects more than 40 Million Americans. 7 million of those have generalized anxiety disorder, 15 million of those have social anxiety disorder, 7.7 are under PTSD.

Let's just call it what it is; a problem! People around this world are hit and hit HARD! Some people have conditions which might seem untreatable. Doctors even admit that Generalized Anxiety Disorder is harder to cure than something like Bipolar Disorder. Okay, now it's time for some math! I hope you love math as much as I do.

7 million Americans with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)

7.7 million Americans with PTSD

15 million Americans with Social Anxiety Disorder (...not doing the acronym on that!)

In Total: 29.1 million Americans with some type of Anxiety, out of 40 million.

So where are the other 10.3 million people with some kind of anxiety?

A lot of them are trying to tough-it-out. Would you believe it, I was one of those 10.3 million Americans just toughing it out, and I started at the age of 18 when I had my first experience with it. I don't even know if I knew exactly what it was at the time. 16 years I had dealt with anxiety, mainly under the radar, just keeping it to myself, and "going it alone" like I always did. After 16 years of it not getting better, or just leaving, I now see that I needed to make a big change. Like many of us do, like my good friend did, I needed to speak out. Now, bear with me because I have some more numbers to share with you.

34 / 16 / 24

I know what you're thinking, and no, those are NOT my measurements! Those are my big numbers. I, your humble blog writer, had been dealing with anxiety until I was 34 years old. I didn't speak out for 16 years. I also had inward struggles that I kept silent since my childhood, around 10 years of age when they began. I didn't speak out on those until 24 years later. No THERE'S some math for you. So, believe me when I say, I know what it's like to want to hide it. Maybe it will just go away, we think. Maybe it will just leave, and I'll be fine, we rationalize. Okay, maybe this is harder than I thought, but I can deal with it, we convince ourselves. A few years pass, and we start thinking, "Okay, this is a problem, what is going on here." a decade goes by, "I cannot believe I still have this. Why can't I stop it!?". Fifteen years; "People can't find out about this. This is bad. I don't want to bother people, I'll just ignore it, no one can know, oh-man, what if they find out, just ignore it, it's not even that serious, oh-how do I get passed this, I don't want to feel this, I don't want to have this, my family can't know. it's gonna be okay, I'll keep it together, it's fine!"

I know the stages, I know the phases, I've put my time in the furnace, and let me promise you one thing. The furnace only gets hotter and hotter, and we have got to speak out, because getting cooked is NOT fun at all.

Today, I want to challenge you to forget about it!! JUST FORGET IT!!

"Well, forget what, that I have struggles!?", you might be thinking...

No, we cannot forget we have struggles, nor should we. What I am saying is forget being silent. No more hidden struggling. Some of us are the most gifted actors. We go to work, we go to school, we live at home, hit the gym, go grocery shopping, hang out with friends and family, having the biggest smile on our faces, and really we just want to say, "Everyone, I'm tired. I'm depressed. I'm anxious and I don't know why I feel this way. I've got this secret that I need to tell you..." Some of us just want to open up, but we're too busy thinking, "But if they know this, I'll lose my points...If they find out I have this addiction, I'll never be seen the same again...If I tell them now, they'll leave me, or judge me even worse than before."

Here's a big one: Sometimes people think, "If I confess my struggles to the people around me, or even pray about it, that's it, I will have lost the battle." You know what that makes me realize? I think pain is like an abusive captivator. One who says, "I'm gonna beat you down if you don't obey me, and if you stay with me I'm still gonna beat on you, but if you try to leave me...I'll fight to hold onto you until you have no strength left...I don't care if it ends you."

I think pain is a manipulator. Designed to keep you hurting, and keep you captive, and to keep you silent, all while rationalizing reasons why NOT to say what's going on. It's almost like negotiating with one's-self on why to KEEP the hurt within you and not let it out.

Doesn't that make you want to tell all the pain you might have going on to take a HIKE!?

Here's the truth... "The truth shall set you free!"

You're going want to remember those words, because it is true! I know, I've lived it myself!

Would you like to know something? One of the worst times in my life was when I was holding in all of my secrets. I held onto my secret struggles for years. Over two decades of keeping my true self hidden and being ashamed of my internal worries. Finally, after over 20 plus years of lying to everyone, and losing myself more and more, something happened. I began to face it. It started off with me talking nightly summer walks. I would walk for around 2 hours and pray. Think on my life, think on my thoughts, and who I was. I began to open up with the Lord on what was bothering me, and what I wanted to get rid of. For a while, it seemed like things were not getting better. I started becoming more and more anxious, sleep was a wrestling match, sometimes it was hard to even sit still. Until one night, I broke. I had a panic attack that crumbled me up something serious. As per usual, I tried toughing it out, and I just couldn't do it. One would look at that and think, "Why is this guy praying and it not getting better??" and even I thought that too. Until I realized something. I was going through my Demolition Days!

You guessed it right! I was breaking down. So, what happened when you break down? You rebuild!

I finally had enough. So, I went out, and got the help that I needed. Turns out, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me!

HOLD UP!! Did you see that correctly? Yes, you did! I said

"BREAKING DOWN WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!"

Breaking down is what pushed me to get the help that I needed, it helped me to open up about my deepest and best hidden secrets, it helped me to find my truest voice to say what I needed, to get out of that burning furnace. It seemed like I was getting worse, I thought I was getting worse. I thought the Lord didn't want me, that I had no hope of being saved, I was foggy and confused, lost and pretty much a man apart. I didn't realize it at the time, but now I know that I was being broken down, so I could be rebuilt. So, I could be rebuilt to be the person I am today, so I could share this life experience with you now.

I learned that my worries didn't come true as well. People didn't leave me, people didn't give up on me, or judge me harder. No, they helped me. Then I found a world where people specialize in helping me with the areas I needed, and they helped me too! Which was the most unbelievable thing, because I was always worried that if anyone ever found out about my issues, which were quite a few, I feared people would begin to leave me. The fears were real, the anxiety; present, the panic; swooping in smoothly to take my feet right from under me. Turns out, they were all just the makings of unreal thoughts, built to hold one captive. It's frightening; turns the legs to jelly!

I learned a valuable lesson. When you open up, and things seem to go a little harder than what they normally are, that’s okay. It's just that shedding light on your struggles is almost always a scary and hard thing to do. No kind of a category of darkness likes light to be shed on it. Inner demons don't like being exposed, and it's a huge fight when it happens. However, it's neither fair, nor right that you have to be held back, and down by any of your battles. It's no different that, as stated before, being in an abusive relationship. Being told it's your fault, you made it happen, thinking you deserve the beating, the sadness, the emptiness, that hollow feeling. NO! it's time for...

-DEMOLITION DAY:

Picture yourself like a vase, or a vessel. A vessel that's meant to hold beautiful plants and flowers. Now picture that vessel, or parts of it, of yourself as mis-shaped, or malformed. Those are those inner struggles that you have been holding inside, and not exposing. Unfortunately, the malformation of the vessel won't allow its full potential to be realized. So, guess what needs to be done.

-Insert Jeremiah at the Potters house:

This one is hard to call to memory, but there is a story in the book of Jeremiah found in the Bible. In the story, God tells Jeremiah to head down to the potter’s house. When Jeremiah arrives, he sees the potter smash one of the vases, pick up the pieces and make it all over again. God gives Jeremiah the message that He [God], can do the same thing with the house of Israel.

"He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel"

-Jeremiah 18:6 NIV

Now that you have the visual, and the idea in your minds, picture this. When you open up, about any of your deformities in your character, mind, emotions, heart, spirit, beliefs, desires, anything. it's like taking that vase which is not formed correctly, and

*KPISHHHHH*

smashing it on the ground. Oh, and believe you-me, smashing vases can be fuuuuuuUUUUUN! Nothing beats taking a thing that's been bothering you for so long and smashing it in the name of all the years you've been sick of it being that way.

You'll have to forgive me, it just feels so good to be so forward. Again; opening up and being honest. It feels GREAT! Go ahead and say that like Tony the Tiger

"It's GRRRRRRRRRREAT!"

Okay, that was fun. Back to it!

-Our Shape:

We all have a shape we bear. We call it our character. Our character is shaped by every one of our experiences in life. When we, like the vessels in the potter’s house are, or have become misshapen in any way, an undoing is naturally in order. I know it sounds dangerous, but guess what, letting go of hiding one’s flaws allows you to break down your mis-shaped self, and after you, that broken you, finally breaks down all the way, guess what happens. You get to RE-BUILD! You just have to realize that you cannot be re-built, if you're holding onto your broken structure, any more than you can fill a cup that is already filled with liquid. It's not possible to rebuild if you commit to being broken.

Let me say that last part again for you, you read it kinda fast

"It's not possible to rebuild if you commit to being broken and staying broken."

We make quite a few excuses as well. Those excuses, even as logical as they seem, are your worst enemies in those situations:

Some of these excuses might be the following:

-People will judge me

-People will leave me

-People will make fun of me

-I can handle it, it's fine

-No one can find out, if they do, I'll be an outcast

-No one can help me anyways

-No one understands

-I'm the only one who goes through this

-I'll never be free of this anyways

Here's a big one that people tell themselves:

-I can't burden my loved ones or make them worry!

That last one, my friends, is a big-time captivator. To think that our family would see our pains as a burden to them, our loved ones saying, "Oh, that's too bad, but I really cannot be bothered by your issue right now." No, friend, no. All of those are just the manipulative tactics of pain and negativity, trying to keep you from starting your break-through!

We commit to staying broken when we hide the fact that we are broken. The first step to breaking down your broken self, is opening up to those who love you, those who can help you. They won't judge you, sure some things you admit might make someone hurt or sad, but they won't abandon you like you fear they will. They will be with you through your undoing, and your remaking. I opened up, in the way that I needed to, with the right people, and they helped me to challenge my fears, challenge my brokenness, challenge the worst parts of myself. One of the bravest things you will ever do is face yourself. And you owe it to yourself, to FACE yourself!

So, what do you need to know?

1-You're brave.

2-You're able to do this

3-This is not the end for you

4-Something unbelievable is coming your way, and you're gonna love it

5-You are someone

6-You are valuable

7-Just because you're hurting or struggling doesn't make you a bad person

And 8: YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

All in all; You can DO this!

So, I say its time! It's time for you to have that break down you've been holding off for so long. Cry, shake, holler, wail, sob. VENT all that pain out and release it all! the Bible says that God will wipe every tear away. That's because tears do flow, and the Lord doesn't get mad when they do. He's compassionate. Allow yourself to be undone, but not in the way where you give up, and let your world crash. No, undo that broken person. Sometimes that takes therapy, sometimes we need help with medicines, psychiatrists, doctors, family, trusted friends, parents, or parental figures. ALWAYS prayer! We ALL have our own special struggle, and you will be passed this one day! The first step forward, is you opening up about it. You're but a few words away, from starting your journey back to your happy, balanced, and loving self!

If you’ve got anything at all going on, open up to the people who you can trust, AND the people who can do something to help you deal with it. Heck, drive yourself to the hospital and just start talking if it’s that hard. Just get up and GO! Some people stay too silent for too long, and it’s so much harder to hide pain. It’s never too early to say “I’m hurting” it’s never too late to cry for help.

Don’t be prideful, don’t be ashamed, don’t feel guilty. Just say what you need to say, accept the help that comes. It’s gonna be scary, it’s gonna be painful, there will be ups and downs, break downs are never fun, but I BELIEVE IN YOU!

If you’re sad: I love you

If you’re alone: I’m sending you a hug right now

If you’re falling apart: I’m wrapping my arms around you and holding the bits as best I can

If you’re uncertain: I’m holding your hand, even though your grip is loose. Mine isn’t

If you’re lost: I’m shouting directions to you. Follow my voice!

If you’re confused: I’m faithful to you anyways.

If you’re angry: I’m patient with you.

If you can’t go on: I’ve just lifted you up and put you on my shoulders. I’ll carry you!

If I can do any of that...it isn’t me or my strength. It’s the strength of the Lord. It’s the Lord doing it all. I won’t judge you. I won’t hate you. we ALL need help. We all need love. We all need a hand here and there, and I love you all!

Can we practice something really quickly? it's a thing I like to call

"Learn-Think-Speak"

Step one: Hopefully, you've learned something after reading this

Step two: I want you to take as long as you want to think about what you've learned through this blog

Step three: I want you to speak the following words

1: "I am not a burden to others"

2: "My issues do not own me"

3: "I will not hide behind a character any more, I will be honest with myself and others"

4: "I am valuable"

5: "I am loved"

6: "I am worth fighting for"

7: "I will win"

My good friends, if you said those words out loud just now, I want to tell you that you are declaring some of the best days which are yet to come. You're rebuilding yourself starting now, and you will not be disappointed that you stood through all of your storms. I believe in you, I love you with all my heart, and know that I have been there too. You've got this. Pray always, give thanks for all things, and keep going. And remember, we all have our Demolition Days!

Kazel Cordero

-01/18/2019

Reach out, speak up, but never give up!